What in the world?

I have been sucked into the black hole that is Helena Laboratories. That's right. After Ike wiped out what ever small amount of income I did have, I have decided to return to Helena. Today was the first day and I am excited to work in a new department.
There has been so much in the news about the smear campaigns that both sides are running. Allegations of racist remarks are flying through the political air like mash potatoes in a highschool cafeteria. I know, not the best analogy, but that is what the politicians these days remind me of, KIDS. Back to the racist comments. I have to admit to ignorance at some of these terms that are supposedly offensive. I did not know that 'uppity' was a racial term. In fact more of the people, asked on the street thought, it meant the same thing I did. Someone who was a snob. Apparently, it was extremely offensive to hate mongers in the media. McCain refered to Obama as "that one" in a debate. I didn't take it as he was infering something about his race. Apparently, neither did Obama nor his wife; at least that is what she said when Larry King asked her about it. Well, I don't think Obama is playing the race card, and I have been impressed. However, the media wants this to be an issue so bad. That is all they report on right now. Anyways, this is a long lead up to my main story.
I didn't think this media madness was affecting me until today. I was talking to an African American lady at work. She asked how it felt to be back. I told her I was upset that I was sucked into the blackhole of Helena. Now, I don't think she took it offensively at all. She laughed and joked back with me for a while. I was worried the whole day that I had offended her. I would never have been worried about that until all this crap (sorry, the other word I was thinking of is even worse) in the media. It was a harmless remark that she thought nothing of, and I'm sure no one else would have. I guess I'm just glad there wasn't a reporter around. I might have made the national news. Good grief America!!

Life After Ike

I am sitting at my little brother's house stealing his internet access so I can write this entry. Hurricane Ike hit over a week ago, and I am still without power at mi casa. Not much is going on at the moment. I have decided that SE Texas' weather revolves around my school schedule. Let me explain. After a long hiatus from school, I returned only to have my semester ruined by Hurricane Rita. Needless to say I dropped out that semester. I have recently returned to school with one year left on my degree. I was so excited. Then from out of the Gulf, comes the monster infamously known as Ike. Right in the middle of my dang semester. Well, this hurricane is not going to knock me back another semester. I'm sticking it out this time. I did have a great time at Kyle's in laws. Oh well. A few more days and hopefully things will get back to normal.

Who has no life?

I get a message from my older sister today saying "You need to update your blog. You have no life!" I would like to take a moment to analyze this message. First off, she obviously has enough time to update her blog everyday. Second, she has time leftover from blogging to coerce others to spend time blogging, which will cause her to spend more of her time reading the newly written blogs. Who has no life? Love you Kim!!!! :)
I will update my blog with a short memorial for my dog who was recently put up for adoption. It was a difficult thing to admit that Parley would be better off with someone else. I am never home, due to working a job 2 hours away from home. The man who took him seemed very nice and has two other dogs at the house. He has called to let me know that Parley has become the leader of the pack. The two dogs are females, ages 7 and 2. Parley is the largest of the dogs, and the ladies LOVE him. He has basically become a pimp. So rock on Parley. On a side note, those who have kids who they feel they can not take care of should consider this adoption route. It's hard at first, but gets easier as the time goes by. Think of all the fun you could have without those rugrats!!! Alright, it's late and the bitterness is beginning to rear its ugly head. Time for me to sleep alone in my twin bed. And no, Kyle, there are no Superman sheets.

When life hands you lemons.....take a sleeping pill.

Everything possible went wrong last week. OK, not anything important to most in the world, but nevertheless important to me. My XBOX went out on me. (That last sentence could also be read, "Marshall's world fell apart." Later that day, a lightning storm took out my modem. No internet, no XBOX, and severe insomnia. I can't believe this was such a huge dilemma. Needless to say I was able to do tons of laundry and reading, so all is well.
Next up, a trip to the DPS office. I will not say why at this time, pleading the 5th. (Amendment that is. Look it up and while you are at it, take a glance at the rest of that document.) I am by no means the most educated person in the world, but I felt at that moment like a freaking Einstein. I understand now why America is in a state of decline. I actually sent a text message to my little brother to find out if there were two DPS offices in our town. I thought I had walked into the one for those whose shoe size matched their IQ level. Bless the people at the counter. (Side Note: Please be patient with anyone in a customer service position. Take a look around at who they deal with ALL DAY LONG. Please don't add to their hardship.) Well, I waited in line for about 45 minutes. It began to storm right as I arrived at the front of the line. Apparently if there is a storm, the DPS computers are unable to complete some tasks. I was told that unless I had my Social Security card I was SOL. And so I was. Forty-five minutes wasted on a day off. To top it off, the windows fogged up on the way home, which is a horrible problem when you have no air to clear them. I had my window rolled down, my head out the window like a dog, and the rain was just a pouring on down. And to think there are times I wonder why I'm not married. Well long post. Time for the sleeping pill...Later.

I hate Lamar University

I have a hate/hate relationship with Lamar University. I am not currently taking classes as previously planned due to irreconcilable differences. Apparently, I was not cute enough for the guy in the distance learning center who could have, if he really wanted to, make room for me in an online class I was trying to get into. That's right, I believe he was gay. I tried my best use my charm on him, but I'm afraid I have about as much luck with gay men as I do with women. I think half of that last statement is a good thing. So, I will now be starting school again in the Fall which makes an extremely long journey that much longer. I have decided that my kids will have their career picked out for them. They will know what they want to be when they grow up because I will tell them. They will finish college in four years, never changing majors. While I am at it, I might as well arrange a marriage for them. And now I must read my Vedas. (Look it up).

Where does the time go?

I received and email today from my high school class president, informing me that in September, I am invited to my ten year reunion. Now, those who know me, know I am not dramatic. I will not play the, "man, I am so old," tune. I have to admit, it is weird to read the email. I started receiving Facebook invites from all of my old classmates. As exciting as it was to see where they are all, it was a time of introspection for me. I tried to remember my senior year and where I thought I would be ten years from then . I'm nowhere near where I thought I would be. In fact, I might as well be living a completely different life than I thought. So, for a little cathartic experience, I thought I would do a short comparison of where I thought I would be, and where I am. Here goes:

1. Then: Thought I would go to a couple years of school and then leave for a mission.
Reality: Left for a mission when I was 23. Went to SLC and was out for 3 months before having to come home due to medical problems.

2. Then: I would come home at 21yrs of age and find a wonderful girl to take to the temple.
Reality: Was engaged for two years in a dysfunctional relationship, which lead to absolutely nothing positive in my life. Broke off said engagement and have been single ever since.

3. Then: I would finish school quickly and become a therapist for those who need help with their lives.
Reality: Have been in school for 8yrs, trying to figure out what the heck I am supposed to do with the rest of my life. Have finally decided on accounting, and have a year and a half left.

4. Then: I would have a couple of kids who love me and think I'm the greatest dad in the world.
Reality: I am the favorite uncle whose brothers and sisters feel the need to explain to their kids that Uncle Marshall is not gay and that Sean is just a friend.

That is my comparison. Sounds kind of depressing. Truth is, I wouldn't change it for the world. These experiences have made me who I am. I am grateful I left late for my mission. It taught me patience, and I was there for the right reasons. I'm glad I came home early. It made me look at people differently and to never judge them because I never know what they actually are experiencing in their life. I'm glad I haven't gotten married yet. I've been able to learn so much from watching brothers and sisters. I know what I am looking for and will cherish that person when she finally comes along. I'm glad I have been in school so long. The best experience of my life was finally coming to a realization of what I was supposed to be doing with my talents and interests. I have acquired a lot of knowledge, especially in history, which is my first academic love. The only thing I do regret, is that I have not had the opportunity to be a dad. I love my nieces and nephews. I look forward and hope for that day when I am called a father.
Anyways, never look back with regret, but with gratitude, for the experiences that have made you who you are now.

Always the DJ, Never the Groom

I just got back from doing the music for a wedding for someone in the singles branch. I have been the official DJ of the branch for 10 years now. Way too long. It went OK, and it is always great to see a happy couple before the ravishing effects of marriage take hold. But I'm not bitter. My favorite part of the wedding is the bride/groom dance. You can tell a lot from the song they pick. Every one tells a story. My favorite so far is "Just to See You Smile," by Tim McGraw. Sounds innocent enough. Someone didn't listen to the words before they chose that one. Or maybe they did and are just planning ahead. Oh well.

Three weeks of forced humility.

Well, I just finished reading Elder Lund's book about receiving revelation, and it was great. Highly recommend it. I needed a new book to read, but nothing has come out recently that I'm interested in, so I decided to commence my yearly reading of The Miracle of Forgiveness, by Spencer W. Kimball. I try to read this book at least once a year which, if you have ever read it, then you know, can cause severe side effects. I usually try to read the chapters on the "big" sins first, because I believe I'm at least in good standing when it comes to those. Then come the sins of omission. Good night!!! Shoot me please. Luckily, the book ends with some hope of a bright future, but you have to make it through the first 2/3s of the book to get there. Anyways, wish me luck, and go read it for yourself.
Next up, I spent a good portion of the time this afternoon with my niece convincing her that a bike would be so much cooler than a Barbie power wheels car. Of course, I was lying. Everyone knows that the kid with the power wheels car is the coolest kid on the block. After much persuasion, which I am very good at, especially when I use my magical powers, I think I have saved my brother a good $100. So, Kyle owes me. Gabi when you are old enough to read this, remember it was your daddy's fault. He made me do it. I wanted you to have the car.

An interesting lunch and a horrible addiction.

Alright, it's time for me to come clean. I have to in order to explain why my lunch yesterday was so interesting. It wasn't the fact that the five guys I was with were all at least, emphasis on at least, twice my age. It was the fact that they were all famous magicians. That's right, I perform magic. I am a magic geek. Feel free to switch websites at this time. Still here? Alright, these guys are known all over the world. I heard stories about performing on Johnny Carson, entertaining three different presidents, and presenting a show to the original seven U.S. astronauts. It was an incredible lunch. Of course, we had to eat at Luby's because that is where the, shall we say "wiser", people like to eat. Anyways, it was a blast.
Second on the agenda. My niece had to give up her binky today. She is having an incredibly hard time. For all the inside information you have to visit my sister-in-law's blog, www.petersenfamilytalks.blogspot.com. Anyways, in honor of Gabi giving up her binky, I thought about giving up my Dr. Pepper. I say I thought, because that is as far as I got before the hyperventilating started. The sweats came next, and pretty soon I was just plain dizzy. So, Gabi you're on your own. Sorry goober.

Thanks Gabi!!!

I have to post a short one tonight to give props to my little niece. She sent me a card in the mail which she "dictated" to her mother. She just wanted to let me know that I was funny and that she was watching Mickey Mouse. I'm glad she keeps me informed. Thanks Gabi!!!

No More Jack in the Crack for me!!!

I am about to shock those who know me, and if I am not careful with my next few words, the world as we know it might just cease to exist. I am tired of fast food!! I'm done with it. I work in Humble, which is in BFE. (For those who don't know where BFE is, call me, I'll be glad to show you on my map.) I have been eating fast food for lunch for almost 2 FREAKING MONTHS!! I haven't gained weight, which is good, but I feel like crap. I never thought I would say this, but I don't think you can live off of Taco Bell and Jack in the Box. (Maybe Popeye's and Burger King,but that's high end fast food for those rich, white folks in the west end). I've heard about this thing called the Word of Wisdom or something like that. Anyways, I think I might try it for awhile. From what I've heard, Jack in the Crack probably isn't conducive to this so called "law of God." In fact, the more I think about it, JITB (at least that is what we addicts call it, sort of a nickname like "meth"), may be Lucifer's restaurant chain. It's so delicious and yet so cheap. Makes you laugh as you order it, smile as you eat it, and scream as you realize it is slowly attacking every part of your body. Oh well, a wise man once told me the best advice I've ever received, "Eat Jack in the Box ultimate cheeseburgers, drink Sonic's Dr. Pepper, and be merry, for tomorrow we die." Well if you don't hear from me tomorrow, I probably OD'ed on JITB. Look for me on the news. Bye now. Oh yeah. A shot out to my ladies, Natalie and Holli. Ya'll rock for reading my blog.

Life at the Monastery

I got my haircut last week. BIG mistake. I went from curly hair to looking like a Buddhist monk, which fits my relationship status better I guess. One step closer to lifelong celibacy and a home high in the mountains of Tibet. Oh well, hair grows back, I hope.
I had a very eventful weekend. Friday night was Rock Band at a friend's house. There is nothing more embarrassing then dragging the game and equipment to someone's house. My only comfort is that I play in a real band as well, so that takes some of the sting away. It's a fun game and I don't care what anyone says. Play it once, you'll get hooked.
OK, it wasn't very eventful. I did get to clean my house though so that was nice. Anyways, this is a horrible post, but I'm leaving it so Holli won't bug me about not writing. Bye now.

This One's for Holli

I was chastised by my sis-in-law today. Credit should be given to her for the recent Clay Aiken incident on my blog. She even changed my play list. So everyone tell her she did a good job. That's all for today. I still haven't watched last week's Office and my life feels incomplete. So, later.

Thank Goodness for False Positives

Well, it turns out my brother is not gay. There was a false positive on the test he took. Here's the story. He has such a strong love for Clay Aiken, that he decided my page needed to be a fan page for him. So, he proceeded to log on to my page and change my background, music, you name it. Now, at first glance this seemed to be a classic case of severe gayness. Much to my relief, I found out this was just a practical joke. I have to give him props. From what I understand, my page declared me as a "Clay Mate" for at least a week before I found out about it. Nice one Kyle.
On another note, my other brother has yet again found a new addiction for me. I'm telling you, he is a pusher. (Someone who deals drugs for all the Mormons that will read this.) He made me watch an episode of House MD. I was hooked. House is extremely sarcastic. I LOVE IT!! This puts my top 5 favorite shows of all time as follows:

1. The Office (This is the funniest show ever created.)
2. Friends (Was the funniest show until a little paper company in Scranton opened).
3. CSI (Las Vegas then NY; Miami was a mistake and never should have been created).
4. House (Try it. If you don't like his personality, we probably couldn't be friends.)
5. 24 (Jack Bauer is a real American hero, and regardless of what people say, I know that this show is actually a documentary.)

There you go.

I found out today my brother is gay.

I have to put a short message in today. My sister in law said I am becoming one of those annoying people who never update their blog. Little does she know, she is already one of those annoying people who have nothing better to do than blog and bug other people to do it. That being said, let me tell you about my weekend. First up on the list. I've been getting a lot of comments that I look like the kid from Super Bad. Riddle me this. I used to get comments that I looked like Tom Hanks. How do I go from Tom Hanks, to the kid in Super Bad? I've gotten the comment before. Last night, at the hockey game, someone behind me "whispered" to her husband, " I think that is Super Bad." First off, that is exactly what she said, so I'm not impressed with her grammar and therefore her lack of intelligence. Second, she should have just turned me around and punched me in the face. It would have hurt more at first, but the emotional scarring would have been lessened. Next up on "Marshall's Amazing Weekend," my hockey team lost. No, "we'll get 'em next year." Nope, Beaumont sucks and decided to turn Ford Arena into a staging area for second class music acts and white trash home shows. I love my city. Oh yeah did I mentioned I found out my little brother was gay this weekend?

I hate violence??

I'm not a violent person. Ask those who know me. (Kyle if you say anything I'll knock you unconscious. ) Now, back to what I was saying. I'm not a violent person, but I love a very violent sport. That sport being hockey. I LOVE it. Worst of all, I love to see huge hits, fights, you name it. So I pose this question to all. Does the fact that I cheer when an opposing player gets checked into the boards make me a violent person? Oh well. So far it hasn't affected me in a negative way. Unless you count two days ago when I checked a guy at the post office into the wall so I could get ahead in line. Or the time last week I pulled a guy's shirt over his head and punched him in his face for screwing up my order at Burger King. Like I said I'm not violent. If you have a problem with that, bring it on.

Why the crazy title?

I hate trying to be creative. It never really works for me. Example, the above title. Let me explain where I was trying to go with it. My life is not in the fast lane. I'm not much of a partier (unless you count reading history books a party, which I do.) I like my life as simple as possible. On the opposite end of the spectrum, I'm not really in the slow lane either. The slow lane to me is for two types of people. People who know where they are going, are in no hurry to get there, and could care less if they are blocking traffic. Secondly, old people. I really don't fit in those categories. Enter the turn lane. Have you ever seen those people who know their stop is coming up, but they're not quite sure exactly when? That's me. I know where I am supposed to be going, but I'm not quite sure when it is going to get here. I feel like the driver who's had his turn signal on for half a mile. Of course there are some other parallels that could be drawn, but this is a blog, not a novel. Make sense? Oh well. It does to me.